Biggest pain in life

I think the biggest pain in life is change. The change of daily routines, the change of a person, the change of life, etc. lemme just cut to the chase. I think I'm more hurt than the first break up. The reason being is I actually got to tell someone how much I suffered. How much it felt to be lonely. How much I cried just because I felt unaccepted. And what hit me the most, was when you started crying too. You said you promise me it wouldn't happen again. Yet you were indecisive for three months and found someone new again three months after. You're happy and that's all that matters. And to be honest, I'm jealous because the only time I ever felt at ease was when I was with you. Youre having the time of your life while im here suffering. Now I'm here smoking my life away because I've got problems to deal with. Life slowed down when I was with you. Now I'm on the treadmill running nonstop. And I ask myself the same thing three years ago after our first break up. Wtf happened to you? The girl who believed in something succumbed to societies expectation. But it's for the better because I've never seen you so happy before. And for me? Well, as fucked up as this sounds. " I should have cheated on you " and that's how I truly feel about you